deconstruction

Lets have a little talk about life

it strikes me in the dying days of 2016

that the big lego pit I have in my lounge-room

is a metaphor for life

things always look good in 

the box

the brochure

the sales pitch

time share in Hawaii

a new car

that kitchen appliance

or even some lego

the old line

sell the steak not the sizzle

is just as relevant now

as it was then.

Lego is the ultimate tease

look what you can make

and how neat it will look 

on your shelf.

But like many things in life

you buy it and it remains intact for a little while.

then slowly but surely

it disintegrates.

and after 5 years of aeroplanes, 

gas stations

commando boats

and car transporters

all I can see is a big pile of bits.

I tried to build something this morning

and it took me ages to find anything

in that pile.

My house is that big pile

hard drives, and clothes

tools and furniture

camping gear.

Its all in there somewhere

and I Parkinsonian in my action

know that I don't need to buy any more stuff

whatever I need is in there somewhere.

Its all just there 

behind the thinly veiled order 

under the seemingly neat floorboards

jumbled unseen waiting.

and when 

you get down to it

life is 

chaos.

The second law of thermodynamics states 

that entropy will increase with time

it states there is a gradual decline into

disorder.

I know what you will say

be more organised

clean up, throw out

stay on top of things.

I wonder though

if that is at all possible

given the way of the world

and all that bloody lego.

It started life in pieces

and then was built.

Now like everything its just 

deconstructed.

The selfie

Just came back from europe

and the place was filled

with good food

ancient architecture

and idiots

fuck me if I didn't see

everybody with a selfie stick.

everywhere

looking at themselves

whilst they looked at themselves

what is the point of going overseas

and being present with 2000 year old buildings

and history ten times our island

if you spend the whole time pouting

and trying to get the best shot of yourself.

I had to laugh

5 girls,

preening in front of the pantheon

struggling to get all of them in the shot

competing for the best moue

fuck the building

lets get the hundredth shot

of ourselves today

in front of some columns

somewhere.

and imagine the joy

when you get home

and see 589

photo's of yourself somewhere

pulling the same face.

thank god for the selfie stick

as low as 5 turkish lira

can buy you the tool

to look like

a tool.

don't get me started

of photo's of food..

1. 
   

edu-ma-bloody-cation

who would have thunk it

2015 became the year of courses

taking and giving.

and it seems you can teach an old dog new tricks

I decided after much deliberation

to fill a gap in my career

after 22 years as a dentist

I knew jack shit about orthodontics

In february I shelled out an eye watering

25k on a course that promised a lot

And I discovered many things

about dentistry and myself

years ago I threw the i-ching coins

turning to the relevant page

the book of changes said simply

it furthers one to have somewhere to go

simple advice, often lost in social media

and the hectic static filled madness

of modern life and

distracted times.

I was feeling a little jaded

22 years sitting in the same chair

in the same room. Instinctively I knew

it was a nice room but I often wondered about escape

put simply the course has changed my life

and my career. 

its easy you see to be a cynic

hard to change your ways

knowledge is power

and with that power directed in the right way

I can help a lot of people

and myself.

so even though I don't write enough

even though I have spent many weekends away

even though I wonder how I will do all the assignments

or which is the right way to treat my patients

I'm happier and more connected

busier and more contented

older and a little wiser

and my family still loves me.

so if you are feeling fed up

perhaps a little bored

wondering if there is a better life out there

take heed

there is, 

and its all in your mind.

not so majestic

A month in advance

I booked the Hydro Majestic

an old hotel in the

blue mountains

At the age of 10

in 1954

my father ran

down the corridors.

At the age of 10 

in 1981

I saved a young friends life

when he had almost fallen out the window 

while he was looking at the view

of the Megalong valley

spectacular and just outside

the hotel.

at the age of 25 I spent a 

drunken weekend 

with friends spilling

into a couple of rooms.

It was my birthday

44

and I hadn't been back for

19 years.

Think of a grand old dame

fallen on hard times

restored to its 

former glory.

The problem was 

the place is run as 

a hospitality school.

but billed as a 5 star.

booking system failed

to deliver promised discount

and the staff either dropped the food

or forgot your order.

dinner was expensive and set at 2 or 3 courses

and when presented with my 60 day aged steak

the waitress had never heard of mustard

or horseradish.

breakfast was cheap and lazy and $90

for things you'd find in a cheap motel.

want a real coffee?

$5.50 on top ...

If you can swallow that

the greatest disappointment were the rooms

tiny and airless with double glazed sealed

windows overlooking the valley.

you could look but you couldn't touch

the breeze absent, it was stifling

or freezing in the air conditioning

the only window a prison size in the bathroom.

every avenue for a real commune with nature

all the balconies and exits

were sealed. It was really their way

and the highway. 

room service, nup

movies, nup

pool, nup

gym, nup

It rained the second day and the grand

old fireplace in the lobby 

remained unlit.

too hard to create any real atmosphere.

I could go on and it was a shame

that a company could buy such a grand place 

so full of history

and rip the soul out of it.

Humourless, pretentious

expensive, hollow

its a damn shame.

for a grand dame.

The ballerina

Lately these days

I seem to be constantly retraining.

things I thought I could do

it seems I can't.

There's the guitar.

you could spend a lifetime

just practicing space oddity

and still have work to do.

Like golf. 

an impossible game

with an absurd aim

and a beer at the end.

Like racing your car on a racetrack

not braking hard enough

not braking late enough

turning in too soon.

Like the gym

pumping that iron and doing that cardio

work on the grip, work on the reps

working on myself.

I've been swimming a km since I was 12

33 years.

I had a stroke lesson, working on my freestyle.

seems like my style was too free

A year ago

my guitar teacher rod

looked at me

bashing away.

"The trick" he said

"was to turn a footballer

into a ballerina"

delicacy.

And now I look

at everything I do 

and work out how to be 

the ballerina.

bullshit

Years ago I started an MBA

the first subject was marketing.

We had the quintessential textbook

by Kottler.

It was great fun and one of the things I remember was a lesson.

"build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door"

the guy who actually did that went broke

the maxim disputed.

Currently I'm reading the biography of

steve jobs

that guy built better everything

and he enriched the world.

Apple

Pixar

I tunes

I phones

I guess the lesson 

might be

follow the creativity

everything else is bullshit.

The second subject was
strategic human resource
management.
It was a bullshit subject

I quit.

why

So there I was

at the hottest place in town

having dinner with the most beautiful girl in the world.

you get the idea....

and half way through my few dozen oysters

I looked over at the pretty young bimbo 4 seats away.

plumping her hair and arranging her plate, she reached out and snapped herself

almost eating, almost being there..

Funny thing was, we were both there already, and that moment that she 

was so keen to capture had already passed.

it was however there on her phone

all alone.

never to be looked at again.

and in that moment

that image burned in my brain

easily recalled.

It was yet another image

stacked against the wall of droth

hidden from the light of day

behind all that makeup.

saved of course on a server

a thousand miles away

burning those fossil fuels never 

to be seen.

again

I wondered 

what was the fucking point

of the selfie?

'