it was me

I have maybe what..

thirty light bulbs

that at any time

can burn in my home

thirty bulbs that can suck the earth of energy

heating its atmosphere

adding heat and carbon

to the powderkeg..

the bins were full of the detritus of consumption

neatly divided into recyclables,

and just general shit

you couldn't give to the worms

and I staggered

back into the house

after lugging the 4 bins

up the 8 steps to the lonely road.

the kids were asleep

the wife sick

the animals fed and 

I noticed something that I had overlooked.

strange how you could overlook anything

when the house burned so bright

the clarity 

incandescent burned on my retinas

all the fucking lights were on in the house 

for how long?

sometimes three to a room

sometimes ten.

so the next sunny day you have

when its unseasonably warm

blame me

and the light switch

I'm guilty.

of that

and probably many other things..

its been a while

Time

the ultimate conundrum.

There's just too much of it, and yet too little.

Obsessed as I am

about being productive, I often wonder

what exactly I produce.

The days with lists too long

with jobs to many

and in the end I look around

too much to do

too little time.

I blinked. 

yesterday finished school

and now I treat adults who were born after I left

and leapt ecstatic fully clothed into the harbour; school bag and all

in front of a silent bus of commuters.

Now I see the windows need painting

the doors need sanding

the garden needs weeding

the guitar playing.

the kids need exercising

the surfboard begs for a wave

the motorbike hasn't seen the light of day in a month

and the cellar walls need a coat of paint.

If I had more time I say

if I had less distraction

if I had more motivation.

global warming looms large and I just can't be bothered.

the enormity of the task swamps me

too fucking hard to do it all

and yet we try.

when really we should be lying in the sun

faces turned to the rain

walking the cliffs

and making love on the couch.

Instead of worrying about all thats undone.

lets do the things that make us 

feel as though we're part of a life well lived

instead of an orwellian joke.

fuck it, there's still time.