edu-ma-bloody-cation

who would have thunk it

2015 became the year of courses

taking and giving.

and it seems you can teach an old dog new tricks

I decided after much deliberation

to fill a gap in my career

after 22 years as a dentist

I knew jack shit about orthodontics

In february I shelled out an eye watering

25k on a course that promised a lot

And I discovered many things

about dentistry and myself

years ago I threw the i-ching coins

turning to the relevant page

the book of changes said simply

it furthers one to have somewhere to go

simple advice, often lost in social media

and the hectic static filled madness

of modern life and

distracted times.

I was feeling a little jaded

22 years sitting in the same chair

in the same room. Instinctively I knew

it was a nice room but I often wondered about escape

put simply the course has changed my life

and my career. 

its easy you see to be a cynic

hard to change your ways

knowledge is power

and with that power directed in the right way

I can help a lot of people

and myself.

so even though I don't write enough

even though I have spent many weekends away

even though I wonder how I will do all the assignments

or which is the right way to treat my patients

I'm happier and more connected

busier and more contented

older and a little wiser

and my family still loves me.

so if you are feeling fed up

perhaps a little bored

wondering if there is a better life out there

take heed

there is, 

and its all in your mind.

not so majestic

A month in advance

I booked the Hydro Majestic

an old hotel in the

blue mountains

At the age of 10

in 1954

my father ran

down the corridors.

At the age of 10 

in 1981

I saved a young friends life

when he had almost fallen out the window 

while he was looking at the view

of the Megalong valley

spectacular and just outside

the hotel.

at the age of 25 I spent a 

drunken weekend 

with friends spilling

into a couple of rooms.

It was my birthday

44

and I hadn't been back for

19 years.

Think of a grand old dame

fallen on hard times

restored to its 

former glory.

The problem was 

the place is run as 

a hospitality school.

but billed as a 5 star.

booking system failed

to deliver promised discount

and the staff either dropped the food

or forgot your order.

dinner was expensive and set at 2 or 3 courses

and when presented with my 60 day aged steak

the waitress had never heard of mustard

or horseradish.

breakfast was cheap and lazy and $90

for things you'd find in a cheap motel.

want a real coffee?

$5.50 on top ...

If you can swallow that

the greatest disappointment were the rooms

tiny and airless with double glazed sealed

windows overlooking the valley.

you could look but you couldn't touch

the breeze absent, it was stifling

or freezing in the air conditioning

the only window a prison size in the bathroom.

every avenue for a real commune with nature

all the balconies and exits

were sealed. It was really their way

and the highway. 

room service, nup

movies, nup

pool, nup

gym, nup

It rained the second day and the grand

old fireplace in the lobby 

remained unlit.

too hard to create any real atmosphere.

I could go on and it was a shame

that a company could buy such a grand place 

so full of history

and rip the soul out of it.

Humourless, pretentious

expensive, hollow

its a damn shame.

for a grand dame.

The ballerina

Lately these days

I seem to be constantly retraining.

things I thought I could do

it seems I can't.

There's the guitar.

you could spend a lifetime

just practicing space oddity

and still have work to do.

Like golf. 

an impossible game

with an absurd aim

and a beer at the end.

Like racing your car on a racetrack

not braking hard enough

not braking late enough

turning in too soon.

Like the gym

pumping that iron and doing that cardio

work on the grip, work on the reps

working on myself.

I've been swimming a km since I was 12

33 years.

I had a stroke lesson, working on my freestyle.

seems like my style was too free

A year ago

my guitar teacher rod

looked at me

bashing away.

"The trick" he said

"was to turn a footballer

into a ballerina"

delicacy.

And now I look

at everything I do 

and work out how to be 

the ballerina.

bullshit

Years ago I started an MBA

the first subject was marketing.

We had the quintessential textbook

by Kottler.

It was great fun and one of the things I remember was a lesson.

"build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door"

the guy who actually did that went broke

the maxim disputed.

Currently I'm reading the biography of

steve jobs

that guy built better everything

and he enriched the world.

Apple

Pixar

I tunes

I phones

I guess the lesson 

might be

follow the creativity

everything else is bullshit.

The second subject was
strategic human resource
management.
It was a bullshit subject

I quit.

why

So there I was

at the hottest place in town

having dinner with the most beautiful girl in the world.

you get the idea....

and half way through my few dozen oysters

I looked over at the pretty young bimbo 4 seats away.

plumping her hair and arranging her plate, she reached out and snapped herself

almost eating, almost being there..

Funny thing was, we were both there already, and that moment that she 

was so keen to capture had already passed.

it was however there on her phone

all alone.

never to be looked at again.

and in that moment

that image burned in my brain

easily recalled.

It was yet another image

stacked against the wall of droth

hidden from the light of day

behind all that makeup.

saved of course on a server

a thousand miles away

burning those fossil fuels never 

to be seen.

again

I wondered 

what was the fucking point

of the selfie?

'

paradise anyone?

Went to Kauai

and was blown away by the beauty

the weather

the vibe

and the people.

Aloha, they say

Mahalo, they say

have a nice day they say

and they mean it.

after all tourism is the main export.

Context and subtext.

a beautiful set of islands 

mainly americans go on holiday

...where they try to turn everything 

into the way it is back home.

wallmart

costco

macdonalds

and the scourge of healthy dining everywhere

the (french) fry.

anyplace I went

they served the same thing

burgers, fish tacos and the grill.

and the french fry

and the dressings..

ranch

thousand island and blue cheese

all with mayonnaise and all with sugar.

got any vinagrette? or lemon?

cue the blank stare..

we stayed at the marriott

and everybody bar us

was wandering around 

with a 24oz plastic cup

which you purchase at the start of your week for $42.

refillable at any time

with the soda or coffee of your choice

as much as you want.

soda (used to be water) now high fructose

corn syrup.

and we know how they like their coffee

with a cow-load of milk

and sugar

and vanilla or chocolate

 flavouring

weird we still have that hoarding 

all you can eat

go get some more mentality

when we perceive things are 

free.

Fish which could have been grilled

and served with lemon

all came fried with 

a butter caper sauce

or a creamy basil reduction.

you get the picture.

abundant fruit and veges

beautiful seafood

and they felt compelled

to put my mahi mahi

with teriyaki sauce.

I ate too many fries

had my cheeseburger in paradise

got stuck into the sailor jerry rum

and had a ball.

put on 4 kgs in a 10 days.

but I tried to limit 

my consumption

of all the above

it was hard

and temptation was everywhere.

I had to choke down my reply

when the check out guy

after charging me for my papaya and banana

asked me if I wanted to donate

a dollar to the american heart foundation.

paradise lost.

the hunchback of rubber dam

we all do the same things every day

yet we don't really think of them

they exist just below that horizon line

between the sub and the conscious

some people call it habit

those record grooves

that try as you might

you just can't fight

and after decades

of sitting in the same seat

I find myself

not as balanced as I thought 

you see, my friend Dave the physio

said to me as I was suffering

from a dysaesthesic

axillary attack

Pete, you just ain't twenty anymore

and this pain you feel

it's your alignment

it's out man..

actually he also said

you are suffering from 

task monotony.

perils of the dentist

like the hunchback

of rubber dam

I lean to my left

extending my right shoulder..

my cervical spine

stretched and pinched

overworked and

under rested.

fuck

what do I do now
with the rest of my life

Marketing? or perhaps yoga...

No?
ok, pass me

back the

drill...