dreamliner

Wandering down towards my fate

I came across my dreamliner.

it wasn't mine per se

Just anybodies sitting at a gate

and I remembered the last time

I sat behind the wing

and watched the tips rise out of sight

above the cabin.

like a swallow

more bird than plane

swept back wings 

deceptively small for such a large craft

the future of avaiton

lighter, faster more efficient

a better breed

of flight

I'm always reminded of 

Gerald Manley Hopkins

"the windhover"

about a falcon.

a modern plane

and old poem

read it 

and weep

I CAUGHT this morning morning’s minion, 

king-dom of daylight’s dauphin,

dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon, 

in his riding of the rolling level underneath him steady air,

and striding high there,

how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing

In his ecstasy! then off, off forth on swing,     

As a skate’s heel sweeps smooth on a bow-bend: the hurl and gliding  

rebuffed the big wind.

My heart in hiding stirred for a bird,

the achieve of; the mastery of the thing! 

Brute beauty and valour and act, oh, air, pride, plume, here Buckle!

AND the fire that breaks from thee then, a billion times told lovelier, more dangerous,

O my chevalier!   No wonder of it: shéer plód makes plough down sillion shine,

and blue-bleak embers, ah my dear,  

Fall, gall themselves, and gash gold-vermillion.

Give a little bit

Sometimes I feel that

We are so busy going places that

we don’t go anywhere.

My electrician Michael is a 60 something

divorced father of two grown children.

He has always been a relaxed easygoing individual.

He had a melanoma years ago

And recently when he said I’m stopping work

And disappeared

I feared the worst.

He wandered back into my life 6 months later

And told me a wonderful tale.

You see he’s been going to FIJI

And travelling to villages

Living with strangers

And helping out.

Sometimes he goes into the forest

And chops the trees and helps build houses

Occasionally there will be a house with electricity

And he plies his trade

Often he takes some cash and buys dry goods

And gives them to the villagers.

Whats that old line?

Charity begins at home?

I thought to myself

Here we are with everything in the world

And we struggle to get more

So we work hard, and buy more stuff

And remain unsatisfied.

Here’s a guy who has said to himself

I have enough.

He still needs to work to pay the bills

But for 3 months of the year

He gives back completely

And the smile on his face was something

To behold.

He’s an inspiration.

Modern life

The future is yet unmapped.

They say everything has already been done

Or written, or thought of before.

Until something new happens

That random element of chance

That idea that forms in a person’s head.

When I was young I believed there were

Sane people and crazy people.

One of my best mates, Dean

a man who I admire greatly

Put me straight.

“Pete” he said

“we are all crazy, just in our own way”

and I am reminded of that immortal line from a

Simon and Garfunkle song

“I don’t have a friend who feels at ease

I don’t know a soul that’s not been shattered or

driven to its knees”

A study once stated that happiness is 50% inbuilt.

The rest is up to you.

We have a responsibility to ourselves to find what it is

That makes us content.

Happiness is an illusion. You can feel happy,

you can do things that make you happy

but you cant keep it.

It’s a byproduct of action or inaction.

And the modern world isn’t exactly helpful

We are almost delivered into a world of addiction.

Booze, screens, sugar, sex, gambling, shopping

Rewiring the brain constantly with desire.

Dopamine

Rewards are out there no doubt, but this modern world

It’s a struggle.

Recently one of my best mates has told me he is bipolar.

The ups were great, the downs terrible.

The result was medication and the accompanying

Flatline.

Remove desire, remove emotion, remove addiction.

Problem is that’s what makes life exciting.

Meditation and self reflection are surely the key

Control over your own desires

Physical health and balance.

Key concepts in the prescription for well being.

But hey, I’ve got a product to sell you.

Its what you want, what you desire.

It’s a better you.

Do it and you can improve everything.

Or it wont,

because nothing really works.

Increasingly we are sold a lie.

My wife studied Yoga teaching

There was a lot of emphasis on being present.

Not just here, but being really here and now.

Not being distracted

Not being driven

Just being.

She put it better than anyone

“we are human beings, not human doings”

totally at odds with modern life.

family life

So its 10.30pm

And the people upstairs have just flown in from france

Perhaps it’s the French election

Or jet lag, but….

The kids are racing up and down and the dad is talking a mile a minute in french.

I cant hear myself sleep. I cant let myself think.

So I lie on the couch and listen to the heater.

When do you replace a heater?

Its asthmatic wheezing and irregular rattle

Make me think its perhaps a little to old

Needs to be put out to pasture.

Do I call the doctor or the plumber?

So I lie on the couch, reading the kindle

Listening to the downstairs rattle

And the upstairs rumble

And wonder when I will feel tired enough to sleep.

So its 11pm

And I trundle off to bed.

I can hear the 2 year old grinding his teeth

Or is it the cat.

The wife’s deep breathing and the people upstairs

Still at it.

I mean I am just as excited as the next punter

About Marcon’s election, and the resistence

To the hard right

But honestly should I go upstairs and tell them off?

So its 5.30 am

I wake to an argument between the kid and the mother

“Enough boobie”

 “no my boobie”.

On it goes.

And the asthmatic wheezing of my wife

Who has had an old cat sit on her half the night

Whilst a toddler was giving her a nipple cripple.

I thought my night was tough.

So its 7.15am

My son has stolen my iphone

So he can sit up at night after everyone has gone to bed

And watch shit on youtube.

When he has a naplan test today

And is dead tired.

First world problems.

deconstruction

Lets have a little talk about life

it strikes me in the dying days of 2016

that the big lego pit I have in my lounge-room

is a metaphor for life

things always look good in 

the box

the brochure

the sales pitch

time share in Hawaii

a new car

that kitchen appliance

or even some lego

the old line

sell the steak not the sizzle

is just as relevant now

as it was then.

Lego is the ultimate tease

look what you can make

and how neat it will look 

on your shelf.

But like many things in life

you buy it and it remains intact for a little while.

then slowly but surely

it disintegrates.

and after 5 years of aeroplanes, 

gas stations

commando boats

and car transporters

all I can see is a big pile of bits.

I tried to build something this morning

and it took me ages to find anything

in that pile.

My house is that big pile

hard drives, and clothes

tools and furniture

camping gear.

Its all in there somewhere

and I Parkinsonian in my action

know that I don't need to buy any more stuff

whatever I need is in there somewhere.

Its all just there 

behind the thinly veiled order 

under the seemingly neat floorboards

jumbled unseen waiting.

and when 

you get down to it

life is 

chaos.

The second law of thermodynamics states 

that entropy will increase with time

it states there is a gradual decline into

disorder.

I know what you will say

be more organised

clean up, throw out

stay on top of things.

I wonder though

if that is at all possible

given the way of the world

and all that bloody lego.

It started life in pieces

and then was built.

Now like everything its just 

deconstructed.

The selfie

Just came back from europe

and the place was filled

with good food

ancient architecture

and idiots

fuck me if I didn't see

everybody with a selfie stick.

everywhere

looking at themselves

whilst they looked at themselves

what is the point of going overseas

and being present with 2000 year old buildings

and history ten times our island

if you spend the whole time pouting

and trying to get the best shot of yourself.

I had to laugh

5 girls,

preening in front of the pantheon

struggling to get all of them in the shot

competing for the best moue

fuck the building

lets get the hundredth shot

of ourselves today

in front of some columns

somewhere.

and imagine the joy

when you get home

and see 589

photo's of yourself somewhere

pulling the same face.

thank god for the selfie stick

as low as 5 turkish lira

can buy you the tool

to look like

a tool.

don't get me started

of photo's of food..

1. 
   

edu-ma-bloody-cation

who would have thunk it

2015 became the year of courses

taking and giving.

and it seems you can teach an old dog new tricks

I decided after much deliberation

to fill a gap in my career

after 22 years as a dentist

I knew jack shit about orthodontics

In february I shelled out an eye watering

25k on a course that promised a lot

And I discovered many things

about dentistry and myself

years ago I threw the i-ching coins

turning to the relevant page

the book of changes said simply

it furthers one to have somewhere to go

simple advice, often lost in social media

and the hectic static filled madness

of modern life and

distracted times.

I was feeling a little jaded

22 years sitting in the same chair

in the same room. Instinctively I knew

it was a nice room but I often wondered about escape

put simply the course has changed my life

and my career. 

its easy you see to be a cynic

hard to change your ways

knowledge is power

and with that power directed in the right way

I can help a lot of people

and myself.

so even though I don't write enough

even though I have spent many weekends away

even though I wonder how I will do all the assignments

or which is the right way to treat my patients

I'm happier and more connected

busier and more contented

older and a little wiser

and my family still loves me.

so if you are feeling fed up

perhaps a little bored

wondering if there is a better life out there

take heed

there is, 

and its all in your mind.